When things are flying at your head: duck and cope.
Ever feel like a lot of things are flying at your head? Not literally of course, but more like information or events that you are trying to process and deal with all at once. It can be hard to keep up.
Lately I find my attention going in many directions. There are the obvious, ongoing concerns about COVID and those who are sick or dying from it. Maybe people you know have been stricken with this horrible virus or died. I have known both those who have been ill and those who have died. It is heartbreaking. But what can I do? I followed multiple clinical trials, read all I could on the history of the vaccine, got vaccinated, and I wear a mask. I work in healthcare, so I’m acutely aware of COVID and it’s one of the things flying at my head. But beyond what I’m already doing, it’s not in my control.
More recently there is the focus on Afghanistan and the recent loss of American Service Members. The danger continues as we mourn this loss while others continue their mission. They’re so far away and there’s nothing I can do. The situation in Afghanistan and caring about our troops is flying at my head, but is not in my control.
Now a storm named Ida is heading towards the Southern United States. Ida is fierce and expected to be a Category Four Hurricane when she makes landfall in the Gulf on the 16th anniversary of when Katrina hit. Ida will likely land a devastating punch and it’s frustrating to know she’s coming and not be able to stop it. One more thing flying at my head. Not in my control.
I can’t stop the wildfires out west either. The conditions keep getting worse as firefighters try to fight the fires, the conditions and safely evacuate people. It’s across the Country and I care about the people losing their homes, the air quality and our exhausted firefighters. It’s flying at my head, but I can’t control it.
In the meantime where I live, we’ve been on a real hot streak. I do mean that literally. Excessive heat for days on end have made it challenging to do any normal outside activities. I was reminded today as I attempted to sit on my deck (normally one of my favorite things), appreciating the warm breeze; of Ida about to hit Louisiana. It’s how my brain works. Thus, more things flying at my head. And once again the question of in my control control vs. no control looms.
So, now my energy must go to the things I can control. But how does that work with so much going on, right? That is the question.
I realized early on in my career as a social worker and therapist that I was both empathetic and empathic. In order to be effective and do the work I wanted to do I needed to figure out how not to get overwhelmed by the emotions of others and the day to day things I would encounter. It’s a delicate balance because I didn’t want to become detached or lose my ability to care.
With practice now I can feel the happiness and pain of others. I can stand with them; walk beside them on their journey and not be frightened by their pain. I can stay connected to them; able to care, letting them know they are not alone.
With that said, we all have things flying at our head. Take a moment with me to understand the importance of self care.
LEARN TO DUCK
If you feel like you have a lot flying at your head in addition to the normal day to day stressors, You have to first learn to duck. You can only take so many hits before you go down. Most of us aren’t professional boxers. We may be able to withstand a punch or two, but a culmination of hits can take you off your feet.
Limiting your time on social media can help. When I first got on social media it was a way of staying in touch with friends and loved ones near and far. Seeing pictures, getting wedding/birth announcements and being able to share in joy and grief. It has become an Op-Ed of political warfare. People attacking friends and strangers. Unfriending, judging and for what? To prove a point? To force individual truths? Let’s face it. My truth may not be your truth. Does that mean I’m right and your wrong? Of course not. As social media has evolved, people are speaking in terms of absolute. Their personal truths. As strongly as I believe my truth, I must respect that is how strongly you believe your truth. Why then, would I attack and berate you; trying to change your opinion when I know you certainly couldn’t change mine? It would be disrespectful. It would be an exercise in futility. This is what social media has become. I choose to stay on it for the reasons I originally started. But, I spend no time participating in conversations trying to change others minds. My time now minimized.
Minimize your time on social media. It’s self preservation and a way to duck things flying at your head. You can control this.
Consider decreasing how much you watch the news. There’s a difference between being informed and being inundated. Know the difference. Be aware of your energy level. Again, self preservation and a way to duck things flying at your head. You can control this.
LEARN TO COPE
Breathe: Not your normal day to day shallow breathing. Deep, in through your nose, out through your mouth, controlled breaths.
Meditate: incorporating your controlled breathing, take a minimum of two minutes every day, where you focus your attention on the present. Push everything away from the past and the future and do your controlled breathing. There are tools to help you focus. Apps on your smart devices such as Calm, Breethe and Headspace. Google guided mindful meditation on YouTube. Use a two minute sensory bubbler available at Hobby Lobby or Amazon.
Do mindful activities. They will help you as you learn your controlled breathing and meditation. There are many mindful activities. Puzzles, Crosswords, crocheting/knitting, coloring, playing chess, petting a cat or dog, walking. Any activity that requires you to focus and allows you to be aware of your breathing.
Pray: This is my truth, it may not be yours. If not, do a daily list of minimum of five things you are grateful for. Include the small things. Don’t take life for granted.
Exercise: good for you physically and emotionally. Your brain loves exercise. Whatever you are able to do.
Listen to Music: music is good for the soul and the brain.
Journal: Don’t keep those stressful thoughts to yourself. Brain dump. You’ll sleep better and feel better. Our bodies can become like volcanoes. When you keep stuffing things eventually you are at risk of eruption. Keeping a journal can be a safe place to vent.
Read: helps get your mind off things and keeps your brain working.
Talk to someone: find a trusted person with whom you can share your joys and sorrows. These are important people to have in your life.
Get some fresh air and Vitamin D aka the sun
None of us are perfect. The downside of being human. But it’s a much better use of our energy when we focus on what we have control over versus things we don’t. Self care is our individual responsibility. It keeps us on our feet and able to duck when more things than usual come flying at our heads.
For my truth, I have to take a moment to send up prayers for our 13 fallen service members, those injured, still serving and their families.
Also, special prayers of protection to all those in Ida’s path. I know this has become an unpopular term, but today in Louisiana, it’s appropriate for those who remain. Shelter in place and be safe. God be with you.
Prayers and Blessings to all no matter your individual truths.
Be kind and be tolerant of one another. Like it or not, we’re in this life together.