STICKS AND STONES: THE MYTH
For generations children have heard that phrase “sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.” This outdated rhyme dates back over 150 years with roots in the United Kingdom.
We should know by now as we should have known years ago that in fact words matter. What was intended to bring comfort actually ended up minimizing pain. This well known phrase was most often shared when a child would share something hurtful that another person; likely another child, had said to them. Their takeaway? Whatever you are feeling as a result of those words you heard is insignificant. The message was, the words, whatever they were can’t hurt. Even if….in that moment the child was in fact feeling hurt. There are times when words hurt worse than physical pain and stay with a person just as long if not longer. There are examples of this with children and in situations of domestic abuse. Words matter.
Several years ago I was seeing a person well into their 50’s. They had seen several therapists over the years before they came to me. They spoke vividly of the verbal abuse they had suffered from their father growing up. Those words that had been spoken so many years earlier were deeply embedded in this person’s soul. They wore it like it was part of their identity and it had kept them stuck in their childhood all those years. I reminded this person that their father had been dead for nearly 30 years and couldn’t harm them. But in their mind, they were everything he said they were. Words matter.
We’ve all seen it in those who are bullied. The impact may vary. Some that are bullied will become the ones who bully others. Some will become so angry and tormented that their response may become lethal as we’ve learned about some of our school shooters who decide to take revenge after being bullied and tormented. Then there’s the ones who become so upset and emotionally distraught they take their own life. Words matter.
Whether the conflict is between parent and child, siblings, husband and wife, school yard friends, coworkers, and so many other relationships. Words matter.
There’s a new worry now as the role of social media enters the picture. People are interacting with their friends and family, but in addition they are having conversations with total strangers. Often they are each expressing opinions and feelings get hurt and tempers flare. Not surprising, there is name calling as people find great courage in expressing themselves when they are behind a computer screen. People forget the person on the other end of the conversation is a human being just like them. You may have different perspectives or be from different backgrounds, cultures, states or even countries, but there’s one thing for sure….you are both flesh and blood human beings. Try to remember that before you verbally attack another person virtually. You have no idea what is going on with that person or what is happening in their life just as they know nothing of your circumstances. People engage in conflict and strike out for many reasons. They may be under stress or grieving. Words matter.
*Avoid name calling. It won’t advance your cause and will only reflect negatively on you.
*Take a breath before you speak.
*You can’t control others or their responses; only yourself.
*Weigh your words and how you say things.
*Stop and listen to others before you respond.
*Be kind.
Remember that words matter!
Blessings,
Tammy
Check out my newest book available now!
