WHEN ANGER BECOMES ALL THE RAGE

May is nearly over which means Mental Health Awareness Month is coming to a close. With Mental Health Awareness Month came the opportunity to help people distinguish between Mental Health and Mental Illness. Mental Health is considered that state of well being that helps each of us cope with day to day stressors while realizing our own abilities and limitations. Mental illness is a health condition such as anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, post traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders and so much more that have been diagnosed and are impacting a person’s behavior, mood, thinking and/or ability to complete their day to day tasks.

Chances are you or someone you know is impacted by mental illness. It’s not something to fear or be ashamed of. It’s about being aware and getting help to deal with it just as you would ANY health condition.

I’ve noticed lately there seems to be at minimum a grumpiness in the air. An increase in irritability and people with shorter fuses leading to anger and at times rage. This shows itself in homes with domestic violence, bullying in schools and the way people are driving.

When I talk to people about anger I have often talked about how it can resemble a volcano. The power of a volcano is not the lava and ash that we see spewing out in an eruption. In short and not get too deep into the science eruptions are caused by heat and pressure buildup down below.

People will describe to me how they stuff their feelings or avoid talking about things that are uncomfortable. Guess what happens over time to these feelings that have been shoved down and unspoken? The pressure builds up in us. We become emotional volcanoes that erupt much like the real ones you’ve seen or heard about.

I could speculate about the stressors that are triggering people such as finances, relationship issues, work/school struggles, upset over recent loss (family member, friend, job) world events. The list goes on.

From my experience and observation anger is sometimes the “go to” covering up for what a person is really feeling.

To illustrate this point let’s try something. Get a piece of paper and create two columns. In the first column write down everything you feel angry about. In the second column (remembering this list is for your eyes only) write the feeling underneath the anger. Really think about it. Look at the picture of the volcano. Anger may be your initial reaction. It may be what others see. What is beneath that feeling? Be honest with yourself. No one is judging you.

There will be times the answer will still be anger. It’s a habit. Even if it doesn’t feel good or come across well, it’s familiar. You can grow comfortable with it. But, it’s more likely that there’s more going on below the surface . If we can name and own the deeper feelings we can begin to work through the origins that led to the anger in the first place.

There’s no escaping the fact that there are those who have issues with anger. These people are not hard to spot. Like all of us, they have underlying issues and feelings going on. In their effort to exercise control they have become the erupting volcano who ironically have no control other than the fear they have instilled in those around them. They rarely take responsibility. Blaming others for all that goes wrong in their life. They have become victims of their anger and instead of getting help to work through it they are victimizing others.

Recently a ten year old boy in Greenfield Indiana died by suicide after being bullied. I watched on social media as people lashed out at everyone from the children who bullied this boy to the school principal. Blaming and pointing fingers out of anger and pain. This is what we do. We react.

My truth about this heartbreaking situation is that we are all responsible. Where did the children who bullied this boy learn the behavior? It’s all around them. Not a day goes by that you won’t see verbal attacks of one kind or another on social media. As adults we are supposed to be modeling behavior for them. What are we showing them? Bullying isn’t just occurring in our schools. It has a way of showing up in our adult lives as well. Maybe in your personal life or workplace you have encountered that person who bullies and manipulates others? Likely they have issues with anger as well. Imagine being a child and dealing with that every day.

Several years ago I was working with a woman battling depression. She was educated, intelligent, yet very stuck in this depression. Early on as we spoke, she pointed to a book on the shelf and told me it annoyed her. It was called “What Happy People Know” by Dan Baker. As we talked and worked through her feelings I could tell things were starting to improve over time. One day she let me know she was no longer annoyed by the book or ….my positive attitude. She actually smiled when she said it. I had no idea it was bothering her. But, I explained to her that I would do all I could to help her feel better. Consider for a moment that having depression is like being in a dark hole. I told her that I would shine a light for her, throw her a rope, get her a ladder or anything else that she can use to climb out of that hole. While I would not get in the hole with her. I let her know what I would do. What I did do. I would care. I would be compassionate. I would be present with her.

Consider how it was with this woman and her depression. She didn’t need me to match her depression. You don’t need someone to match or exceed your anger. You don’t need someone who pushes you to the point of rage. For your sake and your family’s sake, minimize your time with people who trigger you. It’s one thing to seek likeminded people who share common interests like books, music or sports. However, sharing the fact that you have the same issue with anger and feeding off each other will not be good for you, your family or your friends. You are better served by surrounding yourself with people who are positive and inspiring.

In 2024, anger is contributing to our overall decline in mental health and our sense of wellbeing. I wince with every attack I see on social media as people lash out at each other whether they know them or not. They name call despite having no idea who is on the receiving end of their message. Cyber bullying is a real thing and this behavior shouldn’t even exist. We can do better. We have to do better.

Mental Health Awareness Month may be coming to an end. Our commitment to our personal mental health and the well being of others must continue. We must get past the point of the stigma often attached to mental illness and the shame that those who suffer from it are often made to feel. It leaves many isolated and left to suffer alone. They are human beings just like you. You can’t “catch” mental illness from someone by showing them care and compassion. By treating them humanely you are encouraging them and helping them to be emotionally healthy. They need your support.

If you or someone you know is in need of help or just want someone to talk to, please call 988. Don’t hesitate to reach out. You are worth it.

Be kind to yourself and others.❤️

Blessings,

Tammy

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