SELF CARE
“You are the expert of yourself. Treat yourself with kindness, care and compassion as if you were your own best friend. Be patient. Be loving. You deserve it. ”
Every one is different. I know there are people who are committed to taking care of themselves. They eat right, exercise, get good sleep every day. They are disciplined and very focused. There are just as many if not more who struggle. They can’t find time in the day to exercise. Grab something quick to eat. Often don’t get enough sleep or if they do, they still don’t feel rested. Another group of people that I talk with will say they want to feel better. However, when talking with them, it’s like interacting with Wonder Woman. All suggestions are deflected back at me so quickly, I feel like I have to duck. Sometimes it’s because they are discouraged and can’t imagine feeling better. Other times they genuinely feel they’ve tried everything. Life has gotten the best of them. The one thing I know. I can’t want it more than they do. I will encourage and support them. Provide them with every tool possible to help them be successful. In the end, a person must want to feel better. They must want to take care of themselves. It would be my wish that every person know their own value and they deserve to feel well.
Do you ever stop to think if you are getting what you need? Self care is different depending on your life and circumstances. Always it means taking time for you and doing things that help you live well; physically and emotionally. For some self care looks like writing in a journal or curling up with a good book. For others it may mean riding a bike or going for a walk/run every morning before they start their day. For many, it may be to spend time with family or in nature and practice mindful meditation. You have to determine what fills you up and nurtures your soul.
Often I have had parents tell me that they have to put their children first and then themselves and their marriage. It’s their number one reason for why they and/or their relationship is suffering. I have reminded them that they are the foundation that their children stand on. They must care for themselves and their marriage. If they don’t give the time and attention to their self care and each other, not only will their relationship suffer; their children will suffer. When they take care of themselves and each other, they are in fact taking care of their children. If you fail to care for yourself, your foundation develops cracks and then what are your children standing on? They are standing in quicksand. Self care isn’t selfish. It’s essential. I will say this as often as it takes for people to understand. Self care is essential.
For those who are caring for others whether it be children, an aging parent or sick spouse, my message is the same to you it was for those parents. If you don’t care for yourself, you will eventually run out of gas. That leaves you vulnerable and unable to care for others let alone care for yourself. You must take time for your self. You can tell yourself and others you don’t have time. You can make excuses, give all your good reasons. But if you don’t make time, it will catch up with you.
These are trying times and it can be easy to get caught up with what is going on in the community, nation or world. The stress and anxiety that result can take a person away from their routine. Seems like we live our lives from one “breaking news” story to another. However, I want to remind you that during these times more than ever, you must take care of yourself. So much of the “other things”; however tragic or scary are beyond your control. Self care is the one thing that is in your control. Part of self care will be not to inundate yourself with the daily news. Be informed, but don’t overwhelm yourself. It will only increase your anxiety. Limit how much your children are exposed as well.
When you give self care your focus, it will reward you by allowing you to deal with the many things that come your way each day. Consider the following options as possible ways to take care of you. Things you can do to fend off anxious moments and bring yourself personal peace. Schedule your self care time and honor it.
Every day start with gratitude. Identify five things. Your health, loved ones, having a roof over your head, etc. Being grateful can be a good way to end your day and decompress as well.
Take a minimum of two minutes to be mindful. Control your breathing and be focused in the present; pushing away everything from the past and the future. Take in deep breaths through your nose and exhale all of that air through your mouth. Don’t take the next breath until you have released all of that air. Find something to focus your attention on if you are distracted. An aquarium, a painting. Listen to soothing instrumental music.
Stretch your body. It is good for you emotionally and physically. Get a mat and lay on the floor. Stretch your legs, back and arms. Move slowly. Controlled movements and staying aware of your breathing. Stretch for at least ten minutes. It feels great.
Pet your cat/dog. It’s relaxing. They enjoy it and it’s good for you.
Listen to music or podcasts that inspire you.
Ground yourself. While sitting, find five things you can see. Four things you can hear. Three things you can touch. Two things you can smell. One thing you can taste.
Eat well. Cook good food for yourself because you know you deserve it.
Unplug and get away. Even if it’s just going outside and taking a walk without your phone.
Learn to say no to others when saying yes hurts you, causes you stress or pain.
Pray or sit in a comfortable space in silence.
Make a commitment to get good sleep. Going to bed at the same time each night. Practice sleep hygiene. Off technology 30 minutes to two hours before bed. A cool room. No alcohol before bed. No caffeine eight to nine hours before bed.
If you are struggling to process things or get through difficult times, see a therapist. They are there to help. There’s no shame in talking to someone. Make yourself a priority.
Remember you deserve this time. Self care isn’t selfish. It’s essential. This is what helps you function at your optimal and live your best life. You deserve it.
Blessings,
Tammy
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