What we hear… what we see… what we don’t do… what we do… how we move forward
For as long as I can remember I have loved football. My favorite season is any season when football is being played. There was a time when following a weekend of watching Colts football, my colleague John and I would talk each Monday about the game. We were what people call Monday morning quarterbacks. We had it all figured out. Whether they won or lost, we had an opinion about what worked, what didn’t and what should be changed to improve the results. Just couldn’t figure out why the coaches didn’t listen to us. I’ve seen this play out over social media as fans voice their opinion. Some things posted are filled with profanity and name calling. Others are thoughtful as they share their views. The one thing everyone seems to do is state their feelings with great authority and expertise. There’s just one problem. No matter how big a fan I am or how much I think I know, I am not the expert. I have not spent countless hours creating plays, developing strategies and pouring over film.
WHAT WE HEAR
Much like football, this scenario has shown itself in other areas of my life. Our lives are filled with breaking news. And, these days, there is no shortage of it. We hear the latest tragedy and all the details, followed by opinions of those who are delivering this latest story. Then, the pundits weigh in and tell us what it really means (in case we didn’t know) and without fail, no matter what the breaking news is, we are exposed to all the different political angles. And….the blaming.
In the age of social media, there is no shortage of outcry from the public. Social media has made people courageous as they strike out, name call and post their colorful opinions. And again, what you can count on is the blaming with finger pointing. When you work in Mental Health, you find yourself surrounded by Monday morning quarterbacks. When there is a significant national event, you feel the bright light as you are placed under a microscope and everything you know is evaluated, judged and mostly criticized. I’ve often thought that training to be a mental health professional should come with a hard hat and a protective cup. The attacks can be brutal. Everyone has an opinion and everyone is an expert. If you can’t develop a thick skin, you won’t last long in this profession.
WHAT YOU SEE
The images that we are exposed to when there has been a tragic event have no end. I remember the assassinations of President Kennedy, Dr. Martin Luther King, and Robert Kennedy. I vaguely remember as a child seeing the news stories coming directly from Vietnam. What I don’t remember is the images being played on a loop. I wouldn’t really notice that until September 11, 2001. On that day, as planes hit the towers, we would see these images play over and over in one continuous news cycle. Yes, there had been some lesser versions of the playing of news on a loop for earlier events like the Oklahoma City Bombing or the Columbine School Shooting. But, on September 11, we were inundated. Not just one time..not just one day, but over and over. It has continued since then. There are things that you can’t unsee. These traumatic events played on a loop are among those things.
WHAT WE DON’T DO
Action and change is sorely missing. Focusing on the actual problem is missing. Admitting we have a problem with violence and mass shootings is lacking. We seem to do our best at doing nothing. Let’s take the latest school shooting in Florida. Like most shootings, the issues that have come up are primarily related to guns (control vs. rights) and mental health. Despite naming the issues over and over, there is no change. Instead, the focus goes outward and we are masters of deflection. The talk goes to other things. You know…guns don’t kill. People have been killed by planes and other means besides military weapons. We need to work on immigration.
WHAT WE DO
We deflect and blame. It’s about the guns. It’s not about the guns. It’s about the mentally ill. It’s about the illegals entering our country. It’s about the politician’s who won’t deal with the issues we face; whether it be gun laws, healthcare, immigration. It is their fault. We are like children and political leaders are the parents. Because we lack the common sense, judgment or desire to make good and safe decisions, we defer to our “political parents” to tell us what to do. In true child like behavior on that rare occasion when they do legislate and put something into law, we resist and resent being told what to do. How sad this vicious cycle has become. And, how costly it is as people continue to die while “nothing” gets done. As sides are drawn up, in the middle, people are dying and grieving.
Imagine having a mental illness and every time there’s a significant event like a shooting, it is blamed on a person’s mental health. Imagine this dark and lonely place. As if these individuals don’t isolate already, they have to see the fingers pointed at them every time something happens. No help or solutions, just finger pointing. That will encourage them to be open and want to talk about their problems. That will show them there is no stigma. I’m being sarcastic of course as the stigma for those with mental health issues is still alive and well. We’ve come a long way in my professional lifetime, but it’s a long, ongoing journey.
I’m tired. I’m tired of people telling me that they can do my job. After all, their friends come to them with their problems and they are a good listener. They could do what I do. I’m tired of feeling like what I do and what my colleagues do, falls short and is never going to be enough. I’m tired of hearing and reading disparaging remarks about mental health from Monday morning quarterbacks who have opinions, but no expertise or solutions. I’m tired of having the heart and desire to help, but not the support and resources. I’m tired of the stigma, isolation and stereotyping those with mental health issues face each day.
After 36 years in mental health, I’ve worked with thousands of people who have mental illness and even I continue to see and learn new things. I can work with ten people who have bipolar disorder and see it in ten different ways. I can see ten people with anxiety and see it in ten different ways. And so it goes with most things. Will there be similarities? Yes. But, each individual brings their life experience with their illness and thus it looks different. As a Social Worker and Therapist I have to work with each individual based on where they are and what they need. What worked for one may not work for another. What works for one may work for many. And…then there’s the ones that despite our best efforts, nothing we try works. I’ve worked in an emergency room with those who are experiencing such great despair that they have tried to take their life. I’ve seen the ones who are experiencing psychosis and hearing voices I can’t hear and seeing things I can’t see. And, I’ve seen people so impaired by alcohol or other substances that they couldn’t stand or put two words together. I’ve been spit on, cussed at and physically attacked. I’ve assisted with restraining those who are intent on hurting themselves or someone else. And…I’ve seen people who have been mentally ill for so long that they are alone as their family has abandoned them.
And, for the record, I’ve seen people seek help, embrace treatment and do really great. Without that it would be difficult to remember that what we do can and does make a difference. Especially with so much focus on all that is wrong.
As far as we’ve come, we have far to go. We lack the resources to meet the needs of those who are desperate for our help. We don’t have enough psychiatrists and advanced practitioners who prescribe medication that can be difficult at times, if not impossible to afford. There are times, people can’t get in for weeks to be seen therapeutically because of the high demand. There are people who are disabled, but not incompetent and you can’t force them to get services. They refuse. They don’t show up for appointments. It is not simple or clear cut. It is complicated, challenging and many times heartbreaking as even those of us working in the system struggle to navigate it.
HOW WE MOVE FORWARD
This stalemate that we are in has nothing to do with the constitution or even the deficits we face in mental health. Those are deflections.
Never could our founding fathers have imagined the weapons we would have as over time, we have found more creative ways to kill. They could not have imagined video games that give people points for their skill in killing others. They could not have imagined that these same video games could be addictive and that those who play them endlessly could experience an actual change in their brain chemistry. They could not have imagined that their intent to arm those in the military and provide security for those who wanted to defend and protect their homes and loved ones would be so abused and so over characterized. They just could not have imagined that in the 226 plus years since they created the second amendment, that there would be so much abuse and misuse of it and the loss of innocent lives that would occur as a result.
Do I want improved background checks? Yes. As of 2016, only 18 states had Universal background checks. We can do better. Do I want tighter guidelines on gun shows and better monitoring for illegal and/or private gun sales? Yes. Do I want the sale of the ArmaLite (AR-15) and other guns like it to non-military and non-law enforcement to be discontinued? Absolutely. They are not guns to be used for protection or target shooting or hunting. The only hunting done with those weapons is of people. Millions of ordinary citizens have these weapons that were intended only for our military and law enforcement. It is not an infringement of your rights to not have a military style automatic or semi automatic rifle that has the ability to shoot anywhere from 45 to over 700 rounds a minute. Do I want sales of Bump Stocks discontinued? Again, absolutely. And again, not a violation of your second amendment rights.
I would also like violent video games taken off the market. These games are dangerous and we know that there is a physiological impact on an individual’s brain who has prolonged exposure to these games. We have also seen that there is a strong correlation between several of the school shooters and their addiction to video games as they became proficient at shooting people on the video game before taking up arms and shooting real people. I have heard retired Army Ranger Lt. Colonel Dave Grossman speak, who has studied this extensively and written books on the impact of violence on children. Lt. Col. Grossman has been called on more than one occasion to assist and educate following these many school shootings.
This “loop” we are in now has everything to do with people and a lack of services, compassion and empathy. We have become a desensitized, apathetic society. Quick to judge and complain about what is lacking and slow to problem solve and identify solutions. We focus outward. We put our attention on immigrants and who is coming into our country that could hurt us or take from us. But, we are the real danger to ourselves. We are killing each other at alarming rates and we are abusing our own systems. We are failing to take care of our own whether they be mentally ill, homeless or Veterans. Immigration is just one more deflection and keeps us from looking inward and fixing our own problems. As a people we are lacking the ability to take personal responsibility. People will readily complain on social media from the comfort and safety of their own home, but rarely show up for real and positive discussions. We need solutions.
Working in mental health is the life I choose and I refuse to be apathetic. I refuse to become desensitized to this violence and I WON’T accept this as the new normal. For me there is no more debate. I’m not interested in constantly defining and redefining the issue and accomplishing nothing. I stand with grieving parents who send their kids to school only to be called and told they were killed. I stand with the teachers and other educators at all levels who are on the front line; often standing between your kids and an individual with a gun intent on killing them. I stand with Kelly Guthrie Raley, a Florida teacher whose post I ran across on Facebook that was nothing less than inspiring and resonated with my own personal truth. She called for accountability and personal responsibility. Something we all should have. I stand with the surviving students of Stoneman Douglas High School who were the victims of the most recent school shooting. They are calling BS as they listen to political leaders tell them, “not now” or “this isn’t the time”. They have put out a call to action and are my new KIDS OF KOURAGE. I’m so proud of them. And, finally, I stand with anyone who is interested in having a civil conversation and making a genuine attempt to problem solve.
If you think this doesn’t impact your life, you couldn’t be more wrong. You or someone you care about has been or will go to a concert, a movie theatre, a night club, an airport, a McDonald’s,a mall, a post office, a workplace, a school, a Church and so many other places where we have seen this intrusive and deadly outcome. Apathy and doing nothing is not productive or an option. This is a marathon, not a sprint. It doesn’t have a quick fix. It takes time to elect officials who genuinely represent the people and are willing to stand up for the people who voted for them. As a nonpartisan, I recognize that we are sorely lacking in good representation at this time. We need real leadership, but even more important, we need to be involved and find our own voices. Like the Kids of Kourage from Stoneman Douglas, we must make ourselves known and heard. I encourage you to be part of the solution. There is much to be done and it will take all of us. #standingwithkidsofkourage
Blessings,
Tammy